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March 6, 2010 

Right and Wrong

One of the things I learned over time is that life becomes less black and white as you get older. Right versus wrong tend be very relative since there can be many factors that decide what is a proper course of action. Hard, known facts will never change. One plus one will always equal two (in a base 10 numerical sytem). However, what we know (or think we do) will not preclude our will to act based on how we judge or interpret that knowledge.

For about twenty years, we go through educational system where we are taught basics and fundamentals in various subjects. We are told what to do or how to do, but why we do is something that I have always felt was lacking. I came to the conclusion that it is that can’t be taught; it’s a more personal learning experience that has to be realized on its own.

It is considerably frustrating conteding with people who act upon the notion of doing something “the right way” when there are clear, multiple alternatives. As long as there are good reasons why choices are made, I could care less about what the actual choice is. However, that is not an invitation for stupid choices. Knowledge is a powerful thing and should be used responsibly.

Whenever someone asks me if there is a right or wrong way to do something, barring moral situations, when there isn’t a clear answer I always have to answer, “It depends.” Then I typically have to follow-up with various why one would choose to something one way as opposed to another method. I believe that a good solution should be found as long as it is the best solution for the situation.

I am seeing this more and more as I grow older. Many people seem to lack this foresight and become stuck on a detrimental path or become too preoccupied with minutiae. I myself have down this road before, and I try to make myself better from it. The end goal is what really matters, but it shouldn’t be a justification for amoral means. What we do or how we carry out our life doesn’t matter as much as why. Without it, there is no point behind anything.

January 23, 2009 

Managing My Finances

I find it’s not really all that hard. I’ve been on my own for a few months now, and keeping myself in check is just a matter of tracking how much I spend per month. The first thing I started doing was budgeting out various bills like rent, utilities, food, and gas. Beyond that, there isn’t much besides the occasional eating out for dinner or buying lunch and breakfast in my office building. It tends to be more frequent that I would like, but it’s not cutting too deep into my pocket.

I have also been paying off my student loans in large chunks. Although my savings take a big cut, it makes me feel better that I don’t have to worry about it so often every month. I also recently paid for oil heat (filled up a full tank from nearly empty) in one large chunk. It’s kind of nice not to have so many different bills to worry about every month, and it also gives me slightly more freedom to do what I want with my money.

I’m also saving up quite a bit with my 401(k) plan from work and my Roth IRA. Sometimes it feels like I don’t have enough money, but having a somewhat low amount (or at least what I percept) keeps me more in control. When I had moved into my apartment, I spent a lot of money on completely new furniture. I was getting tired of living like a cheap college student. I had enough money saved up so that I could afford nice things. It’s just a different lifestyle now than it was back then.

I also only have one credit card with a low limit which was something that was set while I was in college since I had no assets. I’ve kept it that low because I didn’t want to overspend, but I recently found out that I could totally boost my credit score if I had a higher limit. I tend to use a good percentage of my available credit per month anyway, but there isn’t any reason not to request a higher credit limit. I know I won’t go over my average amount per month because I’m mindful (fearful, really) that I couldn’t really afford anything higher over a certain amount.

I’ve noticed that household items meant for convenience are often more expensive and don’t work as well as manual labor. I have no problem manually scrubbing my bathroom with powder cleaner. It gives me something to do, and everything comes out way cleaner than any “easy” method could do by itself. Being frugal (and not cheap) doesn’t mean sacrificing quality either. It’s all about value. Sometimes buying the more expensive product does make a difference, but that seems to be more so personal taste.

Once in a while, I will make a “large” purchase which would be a treat for myself or something nice. I tend to be a practical person, and my apartment space is also limited so I try to make a splurge worthwhile without being careless. I know I could cut some things out here and there, but I’m good enough with what I’m saving every month even if it isn’t terribly high.

December 14, 2008 

Advice on Retirement

One of my Computer Science professors gave us this piece of advice her last quarter at RIT before retiring: “Invest early and don’t have children.”

August 23, 2008 

Furniture Shopping

Last weekend was a tax-free holiday in Massachusetts, and it’s not very surprising that throngs of people would go out to spend ginormous amounts of money on consumer goods. I had spent part of the day going out and looking mostly at furniture. I only went out to get an idea of what I wanted and to shop around. Jordan’s Furniture has really nice furniture but feels overly elaborate and overpriced. That was the only chain I stopped at that day. I had been in and out of other furniture stores like Bernie and Phyl’s, Bob’s Discount Furniture, and IKEA.

Right now, I feel so weird shopping for furniture. I do find it fun to look at all the various things, but most of what I see makes me feel like it shouldn’t belong in my new apartment. Even though I’m nearly a quarter of a century old, having been a year out of college, I still haven’t fully adjusted to being an “adult” yet. I don’t feel like the college student that I was, but I don’t feel like a “real” grown-up like the people I looked up to when I was a kid.

Nearly all the furniture I’ve seen feels like what my parents would’ve bought when I was a kid, when they dragged us around to go furniture shopping with them. All the furniture I’ve seen feels like it should be in someone else’s house, someone older who has a real home and lots of money. I’ve been living at home with my parents for a little over a year saving up some money. I do have money that I can use, but I am still in that college student mentality of trying to be cheap. I know it’s okay to spend more on some nice things, but I don’t want to look like a cheap college student anymore nor do I want to look super-fancy-pants rich and feel like an idiot.

Now that I’m renting my first apartment post-college and being on my own (so to speak), I’ve been itching to try and be more independent from my parents who have always been so supportive of me. The caveat is I’m still young and single, and who knows what will happen in the future. It is probably not the best decision for me to buy super-fancy, extra nice things (not that I have nearly enough room for it anyway). I can get by on living cheaply but not too cheaply.

I took my first trip to IKEA today. I never liked IKEA furniture mainly because it is cheaply designed and built since their business model is centered around cheap prices. I can understand why IKEA appeals so much to people though. It’s a nice way of looking classy, simple, and elegant without burning a hole in your wallet. There were some sofas from IKEA that I did like. I throughly enjoyed their housewares though — all the little things you can add to your house. It’s just all the other big things that I don’t find so appealing.

Mattress shopping is not so fun. I’m a very picky person and need to try out lots of mattresses before I find the one I want. The fact that it’s all on you makes mattress shopping your job; salespeople are almost useless when doing this because all they can do is make recommendations (and really it’s just all about pulling in sales for them). For the price of the mattress I bought today, I could’ve bought a wicked nice LCD TV. Yes, I’m serious. The one rule I was trying to adhere to was not buying any single piece of furniture that cost more than the TV I plan on buying. I only bought it because I’m moving in a week, have nothing to sleep on, and was getting frustrated with finding a good mattress.

Furniture shopping has been a fun experience overall though. I haven’t made any 3-D paper models of my apartment or furniture to plan things out, but driving around to all the various stores has given me ideas of what I want and many things I don’t want. I’ve found a really nice dinette set that I like and going to IKEA has given me more ideas on how to set up my dining room. I’m still clueless about how to configure my living room, but I’m starting to get a better idea of what to do with my bedroom. I’ve learned it’s okay if things don’t match, but I know I’ll be happy with what I have in the end. I’ve also agreed to let some people help me interior decorate (within reason of course). I think it’s probably better and lot more fun to shop furniture with someone else. Moving out and furniture shopping is just another course of life, and I’m learning all the points that come with it that hard way.

August 8, 2008 

Visiting Rochester

This past weekend, I took a little mini-vacation to go visit Rochester, the place I had called home for five years when I was attending school there. It was odd being there a little over a year after graduation. Everyone I had known there is pretty much gone save a few people. When I was there during the summer, it was always quiet but having other people around always made it fun. After being in Rochester in early August on a weekend near the end of the summer quarter at RIT, it just felt like one big ghost town.

Very little has changed since I had left. Maybe a few retail stores or restaurants have come and gone. RIT now has Park Point (which should have been finished by now) with all the apartments and shops. The Barnes & Noble massively stands out in what used to just swampy grass and trees. Everything was still familiar, but I just felt so disconnected from it all. There was nothing that tied me down to Rochester anymore. I had missed Wegmans (really, nothing else compares to it) and going to Dibella’s (subs haven’t been the same since), but I missed the people more than anything.

I had also taken a side trip to visit friends in Cleveland and Buffalo. It’s nice to see that they are all doing well. I didn’t spend much time in either city, but enough to see everyone and hang out for a little bit. Everyone is a lot more grown up now than they were in college especially now that we are all graduates with full-time jobs. It was nice to touch base with everyone to see what they were up to these days.

When I made my stop back in Rochester before I trekked home, I was starting to get that nostalgic feeling again. It’s the feeling that you get from all those fun times you had in college with all your friends and such, and it made me realize how much I miss everyeon. Rochester feels like an empty shell now, and since there is nothing left for me there, it’s time to officially move on.

May 15, 2008 

Being a Grown-Up

Being out of school for one year now has really changed a lot in the way I live. The “college life” is not one I can really do anymore. There are so many things that I just don’t do anymore. I’m losing interest in primetime television shows similarly how I eventually lost interest in Saturday morning cartoons when I was younger. There are hardly any games worth my time anymore (except for Nintendo and a few other handfuls). I’m starting to rediscover again how much crap I’ve collected and don’t need. I don’t try to be a stupid, cheap idiot as opposed to being frugal (big, big difference), and I don’t really do random things anymore. The whole lifestyle I had in college — one that everyone falls into just because it’s the thing to do (seriously, just go to Stuff College People Life) — isn’t who I am anymore.

Things change and lose their charm, and we eventually have to grow up. Maybe not now, but at some point. The college lifestyle isn’t really one I would want to jump back into anyway. When I was in my later years of college, I had gone on co-op for a long time with only one quarter of summer classes. By the time I had returned back to campus, the world I was accustomed to there felt so different and alien even with the few familiar pieces. I felt so old seeing all the young and inexperienced freshmen. I realized at some point in college that I would have to make some sacrifices in order to focus on my growing academic workload.

In a way, leaving college was similar to leaving high school. You think you’re ready for the road ahead, and yet there is still so much you don’t know. Then suddenly you’re just tossed into a different situation, and now you have to figure out things all over again. Looking back at high school students now, they are so young and inexperienced just like we were once. I’m now starting to have to deal with more grown-up things that the cocoon of college doesn’t really prepare you for — the kinds of things you don’t learn in classrooms. The freedom is there, but it is not something I have really had to deal with before.

I’m starting to appreciate shared human experiences more and more despite the “socialness” of the web and new emerging technologies. Now I’m starting to look at the housing market (seems like a great time to buy), considering graduate school a little seriously, thinking about the stock market, and trying to take care of myself in general (while I’m still living at home with my parents). There is still a lot of growing up I have to do, and that’s the part I don’t like.

Disclaimer: I may speak generally, but this is really from my perspective. It is by no means a declarative statement on the world.

December 25, 2007 

The “Real” World

It has been approximately three months now that I have been in the so-called “real” world that comes after graduation. Even so, I’m still not really fully living on my own. I am currently staying with my parents for a while saving up some money (and paying off student loans) before I really decide to move out. I have almost no real expenses save gas which takes a chunk out of my monthly income since I have to drive approximately 80 miles round-trip between work and home. Other than that, life does not feel that much different than when I was on co-op and still a student in college. I get up each day, go to work, and then go home. Instead of being paid hourly, I have a salary plus benefits. I still hang out with my friends and go out from time to time.

Adjustment to this “real” world was initially difficult for me. It took me about a month before I started to feel somewhat comfortable with the life I had chosen. Plus I was coming off an entire summer of being free from any responsibilities. I traveled a lot and visited lots of friends. So when I had to buckle down come September (when a lot of people I knew were going back to school), I was very unwilling to face the reality of becoming a true adult.

The worst part of my daily routine is the commute. Driving to work can take at least an hour during rush hour traffic, and that was usually the biggest factor that would leave me in an upset mood every time I came home when I first started working. I would question the choices I made and whether they were right or wrong. I would ponder all the “what if” questions of taking a different path. I felt very lost, because I had no guidance on what to do with my life for the very first time. I’m more used to life now, but I don’t think the commute is something I could do forever. I will have to eventually move closer to work, find a new job closer to home, or both. That is still a ways off from now though.

Adjusting back to my home city has also been weird. In Rochester, you could get anywhere — restaurants, movie theaters, museums, anything — within a relatively reasonable amount of time. Boston has way too many cars; this city was not meant for driving. Friends are all over instead of concentrated in one area (i.e. the university). There is no Wegmans, no Dibella’s, no white hots, no “talking” to the deaf lady who works at the bank every time I go there, and I haven’t had the same customer service experience as I had at John Holtz Honda. I do miss Rochester at times because it was the place where I started to make a life for myself without the protective shield of my parents. In a way, I feel more connected with Rochester in a more community-oriented way. Living and growing up in Boston, I mostly confined myself to my school which is where I grew up the most. I haven’t found that same niche in Boston as the one I carved out in Rochester. There are plenty of things to do and see in Boston, but I just haven’t had the time to really explore all of them.

Of course, there have been positive aspects of moving back home. I’m finally starting to catch up with old high school friends even if I don’t see them that often. I started doing kung fu and tai chi at a school that is run by a friend I have known at the American Red Cross for a while. It’s been nice seeing all the people I missed while I was away at school in Rochester. I feel like it’s a good thing that I moved back home instead of another city where I would have to start another life all over again. The sense of belonging that I get from others is what keeps me going strong in life.

In the future, I don’t know what I will do. Perhaps I will move around to another city, but I think that is not very likely (at least for a while). I just can’t leave Boston yet due to my emotional attachment to people (and the city itself). My original plan was to move back home, stay for a while, then possibly leave. I’m starting to feel like I might not leave unless I had a very compelling reason to do so. I had originally intended my time during the summer to discover more about the world and myself and what I want to do with my life. That plan never came to fruition, and it might never given my habits of laziness.

Life always seems to move more quickly the older we become. The increasing exponential perception of time as we age makes us feel like there is never enough of it. The past five years in college have been so dramatically different that the six years I spent in a college preparatory school. I have changed a lot, but still quintessentially the same inside. I know that whatever choices I will make, good or bad, things usually work out for themselves. That is the one reality I have known all my life.

November 4, 2007 

Mind & Body

I have been doing kung fu and tai chi for a little over a month now, and I am picking things up quite quickly (so I’m told). I guess after looking back on my life, I have always had the ability to pick up most things in a short amount of time. However, this was not always the case. When I was younger, I fumbled around with any physical activity. I didn’t really understand kickball until the third grade when I just walked up and started playing despite having heard the rules so many times before. A few years later was when I started to discover how to put power into my kicks and start playing the outfield much better. I never really learned how to ride a bike though others have tried to teach me; I just picked it up and started riding it one day like it was nothing. Learning some basic martial arts during my early adolescent years came easily despite my lack of progression (due to schoolwork). After starting college, playing volleyball came almost naturally. Dodgeball was just pure instantaneous physical reaction often times having me end up as one of the last players to be hit out. For most of my life, I had also played the piano, and my ability grew tremendously. The first time I went water-skiing (basic instruction) in Greece, my instructor thanked me for making his job easier. My instructor on my first driving lesson (in Boston) said he was really impressed. I finished all my on-road lessons and got my license within two weeks. Even simple origami I could master faster than most people I knew.

After evaluating all the physical things that I can personally do well, it seems like I learned how to connect my body and mind to make them work together. Yet I am still limited given how my brain is wired (which is story for another day). Everything that I have learned to do physically is quite static. If I try to play basketball, where the dynamics of the sport are constantly changing, I will stumble around with dribbling, running around players, passing, and shooting. Even with playing the piano, I learned quickly how to play with my first teacher. With my second piano teacher, it was more refining my technique. It wasn’t until many years later with my third teacher that I finally understood that playing and making music is different. That was when she told me to sing with the piano. With all the physical rules laid out for what my body needs to follow, my mind is capable of handling all the stimuli on the backend. When the inputs start changing faster than my mind can process, my body will shut down and become non-responsive.

This isn’t to say that I couldn’t learn certain sports or physical activities at some point in life. I may perceive them as more difficult for me personally, but much practice and hard work can pay off. Something I find easy to do may give hard times for others. The mental-physical connection that I have is a trade-off in my experience. Thinking too much will diminish my physical performance whereas pure physicality results in lots of failed attempts with no understanding why. The “how” comes easily for me, but the “why” is often lost. What I need to do is start to train my mind to take what I know or learn and apply that in more creative and expanded ways. It’s not an easy process being rooted so strongly in rules, but at least it’s a fundamental base to start with as things usually go.

October 7, 2007 

Home Again

It’s nice to be home again even with all the differences between now and the city I grew up in.

I’m starting my fourth week in my full-time salaried job working as a software engineer. It’s been difficult adjusting to such the working life (as opposed to student life) especially since I accepted the offer and started so quickly. It is so much different than being on a co-op where I was paid hourly. In my salaried position, I am expected to put in a minimum of 40 hours and as many as necessary to complete my work while being paid the same no matter what. My current commute also takes up a lot of my daily time and fuel. Life just isn’t like what it was before; dealing with such a drastic change has been very hard for me.

A few weeks ago, I was desperately trying to hold on to what fleeting “freedom” I had left. I was fresh out of school, took the whole summer off visiting friends, going to Europe, moving back home, and having tons of fun. The only thing I could do is enjoy what I had. I’ve decided to take up kung fu and tai chi in my spare time to keep myself sane and not thinking about work all the time. So far it’s worked out pretty well, and I’m really enjoying what I’ve been learning so far.

My life each day consists of work and either kung fu or tai chi. I don’t get home until at least past 9 PM on most days. My parents are letting me stay with them for a while until I save enough money to get my own place. There are still many responsibilities of “being an adult” that I have not dealt with on my own yet (insurance, car payments, etc.), but have gotten a taste of when I moved off-campus in my college years.

My sister has gone off to college, and her absence has been weird since she left. I expect her to walk up the stairs at any moment at which point I would say something random and wacky to her. The silence is somewhat uncomfortable, but I imagine this is what life was like when I left for college five years ago. I still have friends who are going to school in Rochester, and it makes me sad that I cannot easily go and hang out on a whim at any time. I still have friends here at home, old and new, but it isn’t the same especially now that most of us are so busy with regular life. I’m starting to understand how some people have felt when they left college and moved to other areas not knowing anyone after building up all those relationships so tightly after the past years.

As much as I’m dreading so much change in such a little amount of time, I need to see this all out. What has happened in these past few weeks only play into the longer run, the big picture of what the future will be. My problem is that I want my life to be “perfect” (satisfactory enough) right now instead of earning it or waiting for it to happen and let things be. My life has no definite goal or end (like graduation or such) that I can see anymore. This really is the first day of the rest of my life. There is plenty of time in life to be patient for the things we want the most.

August 17, 2007 

Interracial Relationships

Disclaimer: A lot of the observations I make in this post are general trends I have personally observed or experienced. What I say is not absolute, because I have also seen exceptions.

There is a post over at 8 Asians that has been bothering for me some time, but I haven’t had the chance to formulate a thought-out response at the time. The issue that the post revolves around is interracial dating between Asian and Caucasian people. What bothers me the most is that the response to the issue feels too generic and stereotypical. What someone says in a few words about “typical” Asian males definitely does not encompass the entire spectrum. The reason it bothers me a lot us because it is opposite from what I have seen. People’s lives are so hugely influenced by their environment and social dispositions.

I was born and rasied in Boston. I lived in an Irish neighborhood. I really never saw a huge Asian population until 7th grade. Up until then, I went to schools that were predominantly white or of other minorities (black, Hispanic, etc.), and my only contact with other Asians were family, Chinatown visits, or the small percentage of students in school. 7th grade was a big change for me; I entered an extremely diverse school of over 2400 students where my graduating class was at least 300 students. Yet I never hung out with the Asian kids. They were generally cliquey, and I never shared any interests with them. This just doesn’t apply to Asian people. I’ve seen the phenomenon in so many other groups of people. People always banded with others who were of the same race because the familiarity and similarity makes them feel comfortable and safe. It always bothered me when others tried to latch onto me because I was Chinese (like when someone wants to be a project partner or a random person sits next to me on the bus).

I always hung out with people who shared the same interests as as me which almost all the Asians I knew never did. I always loathed people who would try to make me join some Asian culture society at school. These are the same kind of people who hang out in the same Asian clique. I have no objections for sharing my heritage and celebrating my culture, but it seems silly when all the attendants just happen to be of the same culture. I was never taught racism when I was growing up. I never inherited it from my parents. I had to learn it from all the social situations I was in. My social confusion screwed me up for a long time, before I learned how to just be myself. However, the exposure I had to other people showed me that we really aren’t that different if you strip skin color away. Character — what people said or did to me good or bad — always struck me more than anything.

I only ever really dated one girl who happened to be Korean. Her past boyfriends were all white (if I remember correctly). She came from a white suburb and grew up in a different setting than most other Asians I knew. However, she was not the kind of girl I would date again. It had nothing to do with physical appearance at all. Her character just didn’t cohere with mine which is why I broke up with her. My cousins have married various people of other races (Italian, Korean, Spanish), and there are no issues with race with anyone there.

I have met some really great and nice people throughout my life. It didn’t matter what race they were, because I knew them as individuals instead of abstracting them into a global group and personifying that. Taking interracial dating so seriously is dumb. The people who do that probably have some insecurities they need to take care of. In the end, people should do whatever makes them happy regardless of race.

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