mental manifestations

I recently purchased a Nikon D60 upgrading 4.5 years of using my Canon PowerShot S70. My previous camera had was compact, but had some “advanced” features (aperture priority, shutter priority, etc.) that wasn’t found on other cameras. I hardly ever got really understand what all those things meant, so I kept using the thing in Auto mode.

Photography has always interested me ever since when I was a kid. I picked it up from my dad because he would always bring it everywhere we went or anything we did together as a family. I didn’t understand any of the concepts of photography back then, but the mysticality of the device that magically captured moments of life (and light) on a tiny roll of film intrigued me.

This fascination with cameras and photography is almost genetic in my family. My oldest uncle on my dad’s side is a real, legitimate photographer. I remember I sometimes would have to stand for what seemed like an eternity holding a reflector so he could take a picture of my sister. When I wasn’t holding the reflector, I would often have to sit for a long time.

I had been wanting to purchase a new camera for a long time, but I was hesitant what to get. After I purchased my PowerShot S70, the whole market went in the way of small, compact digital cameras. They were great for the consumer market since they were easy (and fun) to use because of their simplicity. I had considered getting one of these because it would’ve just suited my needs of taking pictures of random things as life goes by. I was also considering higher-end consumer cameras that were like my PowerShot S70, and I was deciding for a long time which one to get. These types of cameras were better than the compact ones I didn’t want yet they still felt limited in addition to their bulkiness.

After much discussion, a friend of mine helped me narrow down what I wanted and that is how I ended up with the Nikon D60. It has been out for about a year now so the price was good. Anything else would have been a little more than I would have been willing to spend. I’m starting to really pick up a lot of new things about it though I will still need lots of practice and experimentation. I have discovered that lenses can last very long (if you take good care of them), and that camera bodies (rhe digital ones in this time period) depreciate quickly and “upgrades” will always be available. This purchase may have set me back a lot finanically, but it’s so nice to have photos with such clarity and sharpness (even on Auto mode) and no limitation of the distance (or not as much as my previous camera) between the lens and subject.

I feel like this camera is a worthwhile purchase. It will give me incentive to go out and use it and discover new things in the process. I doubt I will ever trod anywhere near professional level (not that I could afford to be professional either). Being a (somewhat uneducated, uninformed, naïve consumer) hobbyist is good enough for me.

First of all, I don’t call myself a Mac guy or a PC guy. The term “PC” will always mean “personal computer” to me, and that itself is nomenclature for a general-purpose, consumer-grade computer that an “average” person will have at home. It doesn’t mean Windows as everyone is using it, but that’s due to historical reasons that you wouldn’t expect an average user to know.

The war between Microsoft and Apple is very amusing, and I think Apple is really coming out as the “winner” because of how aggressive their marketing campaign has been. Apple has been so much more up-front and simple in their delivery, while Microsoft tries to create a giant magical grandeur like they have something to hide. Microsoft’s responses to Apple have been lackluster, boring commercials that feel like they are trying too hard to defend their image. Recently, I’ve actually found Microsoft’s commercials to be decent to watch, because they seem like they are _finally_ listening to the criticisms Apple isn’t afraid to throw at them. I think their “computer hunter” commercials are very effective, because they showcase real people trying to find a computer similar to how any other consumer might do it. The shortcoming of this latest campaign though is that it doesn’t really show what the capabilities of their operating system is. All I see really is that people are comparing hardware specifications, saying that Macs are too expensive, and that basically they choose Windows because they don’t have a clue or don’t want to learn how to use Macs. It’s understandable, since there are historical reasons why Microsoft Windows was much more popular. The large market share is also a reason why so many viruses and trojans target Windows as well. Mac OS has fared well because of this, and that’s why they get to make fun of Microsoft Windows in their commercials.

I personally don’t care if I’m using a Mac OS system or a Windows system. I think Mac OS has a very nice and simple elegance to it, and the included software is very nice. I like the Explorer presentation in Windows much more than I like the Apple Finder. It feels more transparent and easier to control. Plus, I’d rather game on a Windows machine than Mac OS (no way in hell am I going to try virtualized gaming). With my current attitude towards PC gaming these days, I’d rather just buy an XBox360 and call it a day (though I really like the Steam platform a lot now). If I could have it my way, I would take all the bits and pieces I liked and smash it all into one operating system. However, I don’t have the time or capacity to do so, but that’s a sacrifice I’m willing to make. Other people don’t seem to want to make that sacrifice because they want to feel in control which means staying with the familiar. Why waste time with something they don’t want to understand if it doesn’t bring them instant gratification?

Windows XP is plain fine for me, but eventually it will be obsolete despite it being somewhat dated already. If I had to move on to another system, I’d probably go to either Ubuntu or Mac OS. I’m comfortable enough with either of them, and all I really do on computers these days (besides programming) is check my e-mail and browse the Internet. I’ve yet to jump on this wireless/netbook/mobile device craze that is going on. It’s not a matter of me becoming a Luddite, but it’s that I have no need to do it. I grew up fascinated by electronics and gadgets and whatnot, but now I’m discovering life is much more than what lies on a computer screen.

I think I’ve become one of those so called “casual gamers” which has become a huge market now ever since Nintendo changed the whole direction of gaming once again.I can almost never find the time to play games anymore. I spend some of my time at work or being in bed by a certain time to be awake for it. The other part of my time is spent in tai chi, kung fu, or helping out with the youth classes. Every so often, I need to be at certain places which takes up even more time.

In contrast, college afforded me a lot more time. I did not do much outside of class and other normal club activities so I had plenty of time to run amuck. It was after my high school graduation when I really started getting into PC gaming and that carried into my first and second year of college. It stayed on in my later years of study but slowly diminished since I had to spend more time on schoolwork. After moving back home and getting a job, I just felt a huge need to “go outside” and not spend all day sitting on my butt indoors.

I realized that I wanted to spend (relatively) more time with people, but I have also decided to give up a lot on games. I used to be really into games but was never really hardcore as some people are. When I look at the games on the market now, I don’t see anything worth playing anymore. There are few gems here and there, but those only come by every so often. My personal tastes in games depends on what design the game has, and a winning combination (i.e. hits of the year) are hard to come by.

I have always liked and believed in Nintendo because their philosophy is all about gaming which they seem to understand very well. They know that games should be about the players and creates their games and systems accordingly (even it ends up being a flop). I believe that is why there wasn’t anything worth playing on the Nintendo Wii or Nintendo DS initially. They were so drastically different from the typical gaming standard (which only targeted those hardcore gamers), but they opened up a whole new world including a huge niche market that was so untapped.

When I actually do pick up a game these days, I can’t really stand playing it for more than a few hours. Unless a game is really that good, I start to get restless because I just need to get up and walk around or go outside for some air. It may just be that my apartment is congested, but most of the games I play these days don’t do anything more for me. I can never recapture that same feeling after you play through an epic game after a few times. There is nothing left once the replay value is gone, and I have been trying to relive that experience in various remakes or ports of games I played ages ago. I’m not terribly sad since most games aren’t worth my time anymore. I’ve learned to grow up and move on to better things gaming or otherwise.

I find it’s not really all that hard. I’ve been on my own for a few months now, and keeping myself in check is just a matter of tracking how much I spend per month. The first thing I started doing was budgeting out various bills like rent, utilities, food, and gas. Beyond that, there isn’t much besides the occasional eating out for dinner or buying lunch and breakfast in my office building. It tends to be more frequent that I would like, but it’s not cutting too deep into my pocket.

I have also been paying off my student loans in large chunks. Although my savings take a big cut, it makes me feel better that I don’t have to worry about it so often every month. I also recently paid for oil heat (filled up a full tank from nearly empty) in one large chunk. It’s kind of nice not to have so many different bills to worry about every month, and it also gives me slightly more freedom to do what I want with my money.

I’m also saving up quite a bit with my 401(k) plan from work and my Roth IRA. Sometimes it feels like I don’t have enough money, but having a somewhat low amount (or at least what I percept) keeps me more in control. When I had moved into my apartment, I spent a lot of money on completely new furniture. I was getting tired of living like a cheap college student. I had enough money saved up so that I could afford nice things. It’s just a different lifestyle now than it was back then.

I also only have one credit card with a low limit which was something that was set while I was in college since I had no assets. I’ve kept it that low because I didn’t want to overspend, but I recently found out that I could totally boost my credit score if I had a higher limit. I tend to use a good percentage of my available credit per month anyway, but there isn’t any reason not to request a higher credit limit. I know I won’t go over my average amount per month because I’m mindful (fearful, really) that I couldn’t really afford anything higher over a certain amount.

I’ve noticed that household items meant for convenience are often more expensive and don’t work as well as manual labor. I have no problem manually scrubbing my bathroom with powder cleaner. It gives me something to do, and everything comes out way cleaner than any “easy” method could do by itself. Being frugal (and not cheap) doesn’t mean sacrificing quality either. It’s all about value. Sometimes buying the more expensive product does make a difference, but that seems to be more so personal taste.

Once in a while, I will make a “large” purchase which would be a treat for myself or something nice. I tend to be a practical person, and my apartment space is also limited so I try to make a splurge worthwhile without being careless. I know I could cut some things out here and there, but I’m good enough with what I’m saving every month even if it isn’t terribly high.

One of my Computer Science professors gave us this piece of advice her last quarter at RIT before retiring: “Invest early and don’t have children.”

Recently, my sifu has asked me to help out with the kung fu school just to have an extra body. Partly the reason why I chose my current apartment location was to be closer to the school (and work) and avoid driving lots of extra miles each day. Since I am so close anyway, there isn’t any reason for me to not help out (barring availability) so I have been showing up on Saturday mornings to help throughout the day.

The one bit that has been feeling very awkward is the pee-wee class which ranges in ages from 3 to 6 years old. The reason why it feels so awkward teaching them is that I have no idea how to deal with them. I’m not even really teaching them per se as I am refining little things and generally helping the kids get the idea of what they’re supposed to do. Eventually, I learned that sometimes you just need to physically pick the kids up and move them. Some of their vocabulary isn’t fully fleshed and without any guidance, they will just end up staring at the ceiling or lying down on the floor. I don’t want to yell at them (not that there is any reason to), but I don’t understand to what degree I can “scold” them. Having some of the parents there makes it even more awkward, but it wouldn’t be that much different if they weren’t there either. Teaching some of the older youths is not so awkward and much easier. They have the capacity to do various things on their own and comprehend what you’re doing. Communicating with them is also easier.

Still, there is somewhat of a disconnect between my new role (even as limited as it is) and how I feel right now. I’m still a student of the school, but taking on this new leadership role is forcing me to become more proactive too. Beforehand, I had always just let other “staff” or “senior” students handle things. It really hasn’t felt like much time has passed since I started doing kung fu even though it’s been a little over a year, and I’m somewhat a “senior” student. It’s a number of things that contribute to that — being an adult over 18 years, the level and progression of material I know, and the time I’ve spent there.

When I was growing up, I always thought that I would try to stay a kid. I still need to mature a whole lot mentally (I’m just starting to shed my “college kid” mentality), but this new role is also starting to make act more “adult” so I can be a role model for the younger kids. For the ones in high school, the difference is a little more blurred between me and them. They’re still kids, but they’re also in high school (and most of them are beyond my current level anyway). Sometimes I feel old, but it almost isn’t an issue since we bond over so many other things. Age only really comes into play because of we adults have more experience and wisdome (hopefully) to impart on the younger ones when the need arises.

Last weekend was a tax-free holiday in Massachusetts, and it’s not very surprising that throngs of people would go out to spend ginormous amounts of money on consumer goods. I had spent part of the day going out and looking mostly at furniture. I only went out to get an idea of what I wanted and to shop around. Jordan’s Furniture has really nice furniture but feels overly elaborate and overpriced. That was the only chain I stopped at that day. I had been in and out of other furniture stores like Bernie and Phyl’s, Bob’s Discount Furniture, and IKEA.

Right now, I feel so weird shopping for furniture. I do find it fun to look at all the various things, but most of what I see makes me feel like it shouldn’t belong in my new apartment. Even though I’m nearly a quarter of a century old, having been a year out of college, I still haven’t fully adjusted to being an “adult” yet. I don’t feel like the college student that I was, but I don’t feel like a “real” grown-up like the people I looked up to when I was a kid.

Nearly all the furniture I’ve seen feels like what my parents would’ve bought when I was a kid, when they dragged us around to go furniture shopping with them. All the furniture I’ve seen feels like it should be in someone else’s house, someone older who has a real home and lots of money. I’ve been living at home with my parents for a little over a year saving up some money. I do have money that I can use, but I am still in that college student mentality of trying to be cheap. I know it’s okay to spend more on some nice things, but I don’t want to look like a cheap college student anymore nor do I want to look super-fancy-pants rich and feel like an idiot.

Now that I’m renting my first apartment post-college and being on my own (so to speak), I’ve been itching to try and be more independent from my parents who have always been so supportive of me. The caveat is I’m still young and single, and who knows what will happen in the future. It is probably not the best decision for me to buy super-fancy, extra nice things (not that I have nearly enough room for it anyway). I can get by on living cheaply but not too cheaply.

I took my first trip to IKEA today. I never liked IKEA furniture mainly because it is cheaply designed and built since their business model is centered around cheap prices. I can understand why IKEA appeals so much to people though. It’s a nice way of looking classy, simple, and elegant without burning a hole in your wallet. There were some sofas from IKEA that I did like. I throughly enjoyed their housewares though — all the little things you can add to your house. It’s just all the other big things that I don’t find so appealing.

Mattress shopping is not so fun. I’m a very picky person and need to try out lots of mattresses before I find the one I want. The fact that it’s all on you makes mattress shopping your job; salespeople are almost useless when doing this because all they can do is make recommendations (and really it’s just all about pulling in sales for them). For the price of the mattress I bought today, I could’ve bought a wicked nice LCD TV. Yes, I’m serious. The one rule I was trying to adhere to was not buying any single piece of furniture that cost more than the TV I plan on buying. I only bought it because I’m moving in a week, have nothing to sleep on, and was getting frustrated with finding a good mattress.

Furniture shopping has been a fun experience overall though. I haven’t made any 3-D paper models of my apartment or furniture to plan things out, but driving around to all the various stores has given me ideas of what I want and many things I don’t want. I’ve found a really nice dinette set that I like and going to IKEA has given me more ideas on how to set up my dining room. I’m still clueless about how to configure my living room, but I’m starting to get a better idea of what to do with my bedroom. I’ve learned it’s okay if things don’t match, but I know I’ll be happy with what I have in the end. I’ve also agreed to let some people help me interior decorate (within reason of course). I think it’s probably better and lot more fun to shop furniture with someone else. Moving out and furniture shopping is just another course of life, and I’m learning all the points that come with it that hard way.

This past weekend, I took a little mini-vacation to go visit Rochester, the place I had called home for five years when I was attending school there. It was odd being there a little over a year after graduation. Everyone I had known there is pretty much gone save a few people. When I was there during the summer, it was always quiet but having other people around always made it fun. After being in Rochester in early August on a weekend near the end of the summer quarter at RIT, it just felt like one big ghost town.

Very little has changed since I had left. Maybe a few retail stores or restaurants have come and gone. RIT now has Park Point (which should have been finished by now) with all the apartments and shops. The Barnes & Noble massively stands out in what used to just swampy grass and trees. Everything was still familiar, but I just felt so disconnected from it all. There was nothing that tied me down to Rochester anymore. I had missed Wegmans (really, nothing else compares to it) and going to Dibella’s (subs haven’t been the same since), but I missed the people more than anything.

I had also taken a side trip to visit friends in Cleveland and Buffalo. It’s nice to see that they are all doing well. I didn’t spend much time in either city, but enough to see everyone and hang out for a little bit. Everyone is a lot more grown up now than they were in college especially now that we are all graduates with full-time jobs. It was nice to touch base with everyone to see what they were up to these days.

When I made my stop back in Rochester before I trekked home, I was starting to get that nostalgic feeling again. It’s the feeling that you get from all those fun times you had in college with all your friends and such, and it made me realize how much I miss everyeon. Rochester feels like an empty shell now, and since there is nothing left for me there, it’s time to officially move on.

For the recent month and a half, I have been placed in charge of all things webby for this new youth organization in Massachusetts. We’re called Youth A.C.T., a group for empowering youth and getting them involved in their community. We’re still in the process of getting up and running but already have some events and projects going on. From my technical point of view, this has presented me with an interesting problem of how to run this website.

Basically the whole website infrastructure came down to what kind of CMS do I want to run. I had tested out various ones like Joomla! and whatever random ones my hosting provider had. They weren’t too impressive and didn’t fit our needs (read: mine). I had previously worked a little bit with Drupal 4.7 while I was working at the University of Maryland, and that was the first CMS that sprung to my mind. The other was WordPress which I’ve also had experience with (since it’s what I use to run my blog).

Drupal has incredible community support. There are so many themes and modules so readily available. Basically what attracted me to Drupal (for the purposes of the Youth A.C.T. website) was the Event Manager module. This was perfect since we needed something for online user registration for an upcoming event. I got this up and running within minutes, and since then I have just steadily been putting other useful things together in Drupal.

However, there are some things about Drupal that irk me. While the administrative configuration is very comprehensive, it is also quite cumbersome and feels convoluted at times. For some time, I had shrugged it off and learned what I needed to do as I went along. Then there is the case for my other users — the various people (teenagers, young adults, older adults) who would come and also help administrate. Even though I have given them enough privileges to administer what they need to on the site, they are still confused. It is kind of a shock when you grow up in a such a technological age, but there are still lots of people who have no idea how their computer works let alone writing simple HTML code. Maybe that’s a good thing.

Doing a Gallery 2 integration with Drupal was a pain in the ass. Gallery 2 is just very bloated and feels difficult work with to the point where I had considered abandoning it for WordPress. I understand WordPress much more, and it may be better for the clueless user. The administrative navigation is a lot simpler and more straightforward (yay for version 2.5!) in my opinion. I bet my marbles WYSIWYG helps out a lot too. The other reason why I would move to WordPress is because of laziness. I do not have much time outside of work, tai chi, kung fu, and other various activities. I also like to maintain a healthy sleep schedule as well. I understand how WordPress works (to a degree, enough for me to carry on). While the Drupal documentation is extensive, comprehensive, and everything I’ve always wanted when I look for documentation, I just don’t have the time or patience presently to go through it all and learn it.

If I did move to WordPress, I would just have to find replacements for the various modules I used in Drupal. There isn’t any built-in event management in WordPress nor could I find an existing plugin for it, but there is always various tricks I can use to get around its shortcomings. Google Docs is wonderful for creating simple forms and surveys, and our organization (read: I) have already registered a Google Account for e-mail and document sharing (and people are still clueless on how to use Google Docs). While I’ve seen various gallery plugins for WordPress, there isn’t anything stopping me from using Flickr (and even combining it with a plugin that uses its API). In the meantime, I’m still going to press forward with Drupal and try another album/gallery module. If it doesn’t work out, then I most likely will move to WordPress. I could even potentially leverage volunteers to create themes (for either Drupal or WordPress) since I have no artistic eye.

In the time that I spent writing this post, I could have been working on the website. And now I have to go to sleep for work tomorrow.

Being out of school for one year now has really changed a lot in the way I live. The “college life” is not one I can really do anymore. There are so many things that I just don’t do anymore. I’m losing interest in primetime television shows similarly how I eventually lost interest in Saturday morning cartoons when I was younger. There are hardly any games worth my time anymore (except for Nintendo and a few other handfuls). I’m starting to rediscover again how much crap I’ve collected and don’t need. I don’t try to be a stupid, cheap idiot as opposed to being frugal (big, big difference), and I don’t really do random things anymore. The whole lifestyle I had in college — one that everyone falls into just because it’s the thing to do (seriously, just go to Stuff College People Life) — isn’t who I am anymore.

Things change and lose their charm, and we eventually have to grow up. Maybe not now, but at some point. The college lifestyle isn’t really one I would want to jump back into anyway. When I was in my later years of college, I had gone on co-op for a long time with only one quarter of summer classes. By the time I had returned back to campus, the world I was accustomed to there felt so different and alien even with the few familiar pieces. I felt so old seeing all the young and inexperienced freshmen. I realized at some point in college that I would have to make some sacrifices in order to focus on my growing academic workload.

In a way, leaving college was similar to leaving high school. You think you’re ready for the road ahead, and yet there is still so much you don’t know. Then suddenly you’re just tossed into a different situation, and now you have to figure out things all over again. Looking back at high school students now, they are so young and inexperienced just like we were once. I’m now starting to have to deal with more grown-up things that the cocoon of college doesn’t really prepare you for — the kinds of things you don’t learn in classrooms. The freedom is there, but it is not something I have really had to deal with before.

I’m starting to appreciate shared human experiences more and more despite the “socialness” of the web and new emerging technologies. Now I’m starting to look at the housing market (seems like a great time to buy), considering graduate school a little seriously, thinking about the stock market, and trying to take care of myself in general (while I’m still living at home with my parents). There is still a lot of growing up I have to do, and that’s the part I don’t like.

Disclaimer: I may speak generally, but this is really from my perspective. It is by no means a declarative statement on the world.