mental manifestations

Being out of school for one year now has really changed a lot in the way I live. The “college life” is not one I can really do anymore. There are so many things that I just don’t do anymore. I’m losing interest in primetime television shows similarly how I eventually lost interest in Saturday morning cartoons when I was younger. There are hardly any games worth my time anymore (except for Nintendo and a few other handfuls). I’m starting to rediscover again how much crap I’ve collected and don’t need. I don’t try to be a stupid, cheap idiot as opposed to being frugal (big, big difference), and I don’t really do random things anymore. The whole lifestyle I had in college — one that everyone falls into just because it’s the thing to do (seriously, just go to Stuff College People Life) — isn’t who I am anymore.

Things change and lose their charm, and we eventually have to grow up. Maybe not now, but at some point. The college lifestyle isn’t really one I would want to jump back into anyway. When I was in my later years of college, I had gone on co-op for a long time with only one quarter of summer classes. By the time I had returned back to campus, the world I was accustomed to there felt so different and alien even with the few familiar pieces. I felt so old seeing all the young and inexperienced freshmen. I realized at some point in college that I would have to make some sacrifices in order to focus on my growing academic workload.

In a way, leaving college was similar to leaving high school. You think you’re ready for the road ahead, and yet there is still so much you don’t know. Then suddenly you’re just tossed into a different situation, and now you have to figure out things all over again. Looking back at high school students now, they are so young and inexperienced just like we were once. I’m now starting to have to deal with more grown-up things that the cocoon of college doesn’t really prepare you for — the kinds of things you don’t learn in classrooms. The freedom is there, but it is not something I have really had to deal with before.

I’m starting to appreciate shared human experiences more and more despite the “socialness” of the web and new emerging technologies. Now I’m starting to look at the housing market (seems like a great time to buy), considering graduate school a little seriously, thinking about the stock market, and trying to take care of myself in general (while I’m still living at home with my parents). There is still a lot of growing up I have to do, and that’s the part I don’t like.

Disclaimer: I may speak generally, but this is really from my perspective. It is by no means a declarative statement on the world.

Winter is never as fun as it used to be. When you’re a kid, you don’t have to worry about things because your parents took care of that for you. Now that I’ve reached adulthood, I’ve got things to worry about like groceries, supplies, school, and work. Most of all, I need a car where I currently live, and that is no fun in the winter.

However, the one thing I do like about winter is goofing off in the snow (weather permitting it safe enough) and making giant pictures. I would make snowmen, but the snow in Rochester is too dry and fluffy for it.

Sometime during May 2006, I randomly decided to watch Yu-Gi-Oh. I developed some interest in it my late senior year in high school and kept regular track of it into my second year of college. By that time, I stopped watching it since it had gotten so repetitive and drawn-out. Anyway, as I was waiting for Yu-Gi-Oh to come on, I was flipping through the various Saturday morning cartoons. Most of them seemed drab and unentertaining to me. Then I started thinking about all the cartoons I had watched during my childhood and even late into my adolescent years. The amount of cartoons I had watched steadily decreased the older I became. I compared these new cartoons to the ones in my past viewing experience and deemed my past better than the present.

My mind wandered to other topics such as music. Songs that were popular in 1996 (and some of which I still like listen to occasionally) are no longer played on the radio (except for very rare instances). That really made me feel old. 10 years ago I was in the sixth grade and was 12 years old. I thought about the video games I used to play and compared them to today’s games. It’s hard for me to evaluate today’s games by today’s “standards” since they are so different now. It’s easy to see the evolution that has taken place, but I find it difficult to keep up with it. As a result, I dismiss mostly every game and gamer child (anyone born in the 1990’s and later) as “bad” since they are nothing like the “old days” of my youth.

I am only 21 years old. I am still young in some respects, but just thinking about that viewpoint made me feel so old. I really understood what the generation gap was and what it felt like to be “old” and how today’s current generation is so different. I hope in time, they will come to realize the same thing. I personally have never thought that I would reach such a conclusion, but I suppose it was bound to happen eventually. It is our past (particularly our younger years) that are so formative and developmental in who we are today. Once that ground foundation is set, breaking apart and starting over is a really hard thing to do. I guess this is all part of becoming an adult.